I seem to have spent years trying things out - giving things a go and getting places, doing great things, having fun and thinking I had found the perfect job, the perfect man and perfect home. But then somewhere along the line, I would realise that things were not perfect, that I wasn't fulfilled, I was bored, just good friends with my partners, feeling dull and lifeless at times and for some reason felt as though there was a void in my life, whether it was on the home front, relationship front or career front.
I often felt let down, inadequate, as though I was just not destined to be happy, and when I say happy, I mean truly happy not just "make do happy". I have had many times in my life when I thought, what am I doing here? there must be more to life than this? Every time I began to feel like this I would move the furniture around, re-decorate, have a new hairstyle, change jobs, to regain a feeling of doing something new and exciting in my life. I got a great initial buzz from this but it never took very long before I felt that same boredom, lack of excitement, feeling that I was just living but not actually really achieving too much in my life and the whole spiral would start all over again.
I took so many courses, grew my career and went from housewife and mum to senior manager within 3years - wow that was a journey - up at the top feeling very successful and as though I had achieved something fantastic - which of course I had. Didn't last long though and soon I was into another downward spiral as I found that I had taken on so much and needed to develop even more but I had somehow ended up in a high powered job with a boss that was not able to support and develop me so there i was stuck in this job that was very challenging but with no mentor or coach or support in place to help me.
Well to cut a long story short I ended up really ill one weekend and landed in hospital with a perforated ulcer! not a nice period I must say - after I was came out of hospital I spent the next 3-5 months at home with very little energy or zest for life and then eventually went back to work on reduced hours which made things easier but I was still in the same place with no support, mentoring or anything and ended up ill again and eventually had no choice but to get out of my high and stressful post.
I was then at home looking for a job feeling as though there was nothing really out there to do that I was interested in and feeling as though I never wanted to work again - I was so drained and empty. I found myself a little part-time job teaching IT to people for my local council - two days a week, reasonable money and no stress, no responsibility - easy job with nice people that I could do without any challenge or worry. This was just what I needed at that stage and I spent days at home and just two days a week at work - I thought that was exactly what I wanted and was happy. Yes you've guessed it, for a while, but there was something missing and I felt inadequate once again. I really didnt want to get another full time job as I didnt think I could cope with that and I certainly didnt feel I had the strength to do that but I needed something else and I needed to feel good about myself again - I needed to feel I was contributing more than I was - I had gone from a very independant woman with no financial problems or worries, into a little almost stay at home woman with no financial security or achievements in my life again.
Don't get me wrong I have had a great life and lots of wonderful experiences but at that time just never really felt that I had done anything special and I just had this feeling deep inside that I couldnt really express, that there had to be something more to life and I just hadnt actually found what I was looking for yet.
I then purely by accident really, began to write poetry again - I created a beautiful christening poem for my grand-daughter and everyone loved it so much and asked if I would make them one that an idea came to me and I thought perhaps i could sell these? I setup an ebay account and listed my picture poem on it for sale and was blown away when they started to sell, I then created more poems for different occasions and that led to more ideas and more gift items and personalised gifts and cards - it was great and I was really enjoying it - I felt as though I was bringing happiness to other people, that gave me a really warm feeling inside and I was also being able to be creative - something that was brilliant.
I thought, this is it I have found a career option doing something I love and bringing happiness to other people - wow that was a great feeling. Well, I hope that you have enjoyed my blogg so far? I have never written one before and seem to have got carried away - I have really enjoyed writing this but its now getting late and i have to go to work tomorrow so I had better sign off and come back to write some more another day
have a great day and please do come back soon - my story is only just starting - there are some amazing things coming in the next bloggs that I hope you will really enjoy reading about
